Time

July 10, 2005

What a paradox, time

Time to hurry
Time to wait
Time for work
Time for play
Time for me
Time for you
Sometime in May

Why am I such a slave to allotments of time?
I carve out just enough for each area, person, project, etc.

I watch the clock with anxiety…is there enough time
What if I am not on time?
If he doesn’t come now, there will be no time

I awake at night to see what time it is
All during the day and night
I look at the “time” as a measure of my sanity, my tether to control

I even pride myself on always (98% of the time) being with in 15 minutes of guessing the right time

I even live much of my life (emotional) in two time zones, his and mine
Doesn’t he know we only have a small allotment of time when both of us are available?
Why am I not his first priority during that time?

Being the keeper of time is very exhausting
Wish I could let go of time

Copywrite – Published by Unlocked Communications, LLC 2009

Journeys

9-9-05

Journey in
Journey out
Journey through
Journey about

To walk any journey is to stumble and fall
Sometimes I ignore the most crucial journey of all

With all the bravado and fan-fair
Some journeys are nothing but still air
No real depth, no real commitment

Those are the journeys I need to take the most
Those are the journeys that will feed my soul

It means I have to look at me, the real me
I am afraid of this journey, afraid to be me
What if you don’t like me, or worse there is nothing there at all

I know in my heart that’s not the case,
I have worth, I have beauty, I have integrity, I have intuition
But some journeys take me through hell before I find and accept the soft inside

I pray for strength through this journey
To be a woman; a sexy, desirable, great women
What a journey that will be

Copyright – Published by Unlocked Communications, LLC 2009

Freedom

8-8-2007

Tether to leash

Obsession pulls it closer; so as to never lose

Owning/controlling…is desperation.

I so desperately wanted freedom from desperation.

Freedom is… trusting in the face of desperation

Freedom is… trusting before hand… so desperation doesn’t come to sit for dinner.

Freedom is… faith.

Don’t be Normal- Just be you!

The concept of normal is well, just not normal! We all have an idea of what it means, based on influences that include: cultural, racial, educational, sexual, societal, parents and peers, etc. It is a measurement notion based on perception, interpretation and assumptions…but we all have our “normal” and sometimes we just don’t measure up.

For years I thought I was a slight anarchist, and while I still may be (am not ruling out any trouble I can stir up)…the concept I have been fighting is “normal”. This warfare has included many hours or questioning authority on rules that just don’t make sense, fairness as a given civil right, bullsh*t from talking heads (political and otherwise) and against spin as a form of truth. But, most of the fighting has been in my head…because I have so wanted the safe route of normal.

We hear all the time, “that is not normal” or “she/he is not normal”, “those clothes, colors, thoughts ___________ are not normal”. The tone of these communications, whether internal or external, can be judgmental and antagonistic… and down right hurtful. We can’t seem to define normal, but we sure can tell when something (someone) is not.

I say to hell with normal! I say who the heck are you to tell me I am not normal or “of the norm”. And even if I am not, who cares… I am me! Too many hours are spent each lifetime diligently trying to copy or comply with normal. Authenticity is the way to go!

Being authentic in every single situation is incredibly hard, especially when we are not sure who we are in the first place. @ 42 years old, I am still not sure who I am at every moment…but I think I will get a whole lot closer to that answer if I don’t try to copy you or him or her. If I stand up for what I think, say what is on my mind, tell you my ideas…if I take the risk of sharing me…I at least have a chance at authentic authenticity.

Loving What Is -A book finds me!

A few months Byron Katie’s The Work found me. It found me in the Self-Help area of Barnes and Noble, cruising for answers to the constant whole in my heart. Am not sure what I was looking for that day, guess I was hoping something would just pop out at me. In hindsight, that is more of a life approach than an issue of that wandering day.  When I am open to new ideas, I wander with a general big picture in my head, I let the details/signs find me.

I was walking down the isle and there at eye level, stood a black book with an incredibly inviting smile calling me in. As I got closer I read the title, “Loving What is: Four questions that can change your life”.  As a lover of questions, the power they invoke, and the precision in which they can cut though static…I found myself buying this book instantly.

The book promises nothing, except to change of everything! Through these four questions and a turnaround (called The Work), we can begin to change our relationship with our thoughts.  As I started to read, I was struck by the utter simplicity of this method/thing/concept/mindset/approach (book’s self proclaimed identity issue).  Four questions and a turnaround that’s all I needed, that’s all I ever needed to end my suffering and change? Yes! that is what The Work promised and delivered time after time.

80% of Loving What Is, are transcribed recordings of people doing The Work with Katie. Issue after universal (but so profoundly individual) issue is put against these four questions.  In every single session, you see the light bulb of new understanding start to shine…not only for the person in the book, but for me as well. Outwardly verbal, I said Yes! That’s it, OMG that hurts me too and Wow, how did I not see?

The four questions:

Is it true?

Can you absolutely know that is true?

How does it feel when you think that thought?

Who would you be with out that thought?

The turnarounds are very individual based on the person’s answers, but for the most part they are simply a 180 degree turn to your initial issue/judgment or belief.

These questions have changed the way I see things, how I approach thoughts and feel the power to end my own suffering. They even have helped me motivate my teenage son to really participating and grabbing what he wants.  Professionally, The Work has become an integral part of my coaching and speaking career.

This book found me when I was ready, and I am blessed for it.